Graduate Student Syndrome (GSS)

 

Graduate Student Syndrome (GSS) is a syndrome (collection of diseases/disorders) associated with Graduate/PhD students, and is one of the burgeoning causes of morbidity worldwide. There are over millions of students who are prone to this syndrome all across the globe. This is a disorder which is medically challenging since the diagnosis and treatment are seldom easy. 

The disease can be defined as; A condition that affects a human being usually of age 23-30 (has a higher standard deviation), which is associated with symptoms such as polypublicationomia (An excessive thrust for publication), insomnia (inability to sleep, sometimes induced by external agents such as PI), thesisophobia (fear of thesis), polyfreefoodamia (An excessive appetite for free food and beer) etc. When diagnosed at the right time, it can be treated. Some of the cures include fast closure of PhD thesis, assured Post-Doc positions, papers in high impact factor journals (Nature, Science, Cell, PNAS, PloS are found to be most effective ever). But extend of cure still remains to be ‘terra incognita’.

Causes:

The causes are enormous to be listed.  Very common ones are listed below;

1) The subject doesn’t know what is to be done after Master/Bachelor’s degree hence chooses to get into PhD.

2) Discovery/animal planet/National geography channels showing bizarre science experiments are often seen to be severely affecting the brain of the younger generation and brings a hunch for being a PhD.

3) Father/Mother/relatives are PhDs. Hence the subject gets the spread of the disease.

4) Advise of a nerd person; ‘PhD kar le beta bahut scope hai’!!

Symptoms:

The symptom starts at the age of about 15. There are also some of the rare reports which show the onset of the disease to be above 6 (the symptomatic kid usually is seen to be uttering the sentence “Mai bada hoke PhD karunga!!” they should be immediately treated and to be advised not to utter those words). There is comparatively huge window period (stage at which the disease can’t be diagnosed) and in most of the cases diagnosed only after getting into Gard schools. Common symptoms associated include but not limited to polypublicationomia , insomnia, thesisophobia, polyfreefoodamia. Some of the chronic cases portray lack of laughter, addiction to internet (mostly pubmed, google-scholar and some of the journal homes). These patients are mostly located in places called “Laboratories”.  Symptoms are seen to be severing when the subject gets in contact with PI/PhD adviser.  The subjects usually crave for objects such as pipette, lab-coats, glass wares, antibodies, stains, and sophisticated instruments such as microscope, NMR, Mass spectrometer, PCR, Gel running apparatus etc. Initial periods show milder symptoms. Stage four subjects mostly show extensive desire to possess high impact factor publication, a post-doc in top lab (sometimes they think as TOP), marriage etc. 

Diagnosis:

Although there are some diagnostic kits available nothing seems to concrete yet. This syndrome can be better diagnosed by Doctors (I mean PhD holders). Some of the reports suggest blood test for detection of higher amounts of caffeine (Coffee keeps the subject awake) is good diagnosis. But this test produces the best results when blood is drawn during course work exams, grant report submission, paper submission, facing the review process etc.  This test can just be used as a subsidiary one. Just to check the physiological behavior one can check the reaction of the subject towards free food and beer. If the subject seems to be vehement to above mentioned objects he/she can be subjected to further tests.  The subjects usually tend to avoid PI/PhD advisers. They are sometimes observed to be cursing PIs badly for not submitting the paper, asking for repeating of the experiment, not permitting to go on leave etc.

Treatment: 

There is no complete cure reported in any of the literature till date. This varies from subject to subject depending on severity of the syndrome and “laboratory”. Best cures are fast finishing of the thesis, assured post-doc in a wealthy and high impact publishing lab, provision of free food, providing more chances of attending seminars in exotic locations, marriage, up-gradation of fellowship etc. Soothing words of PI has always seen to be an advantageous in curing the syndrome (soothing words include; You have worked a lot and it’s better to take some leave, I will try to submit your paper right today, Do you want to attend a seminar in Switzerland on Project cost?, come I will offer you some beer, I will see to it that you will finish your thesis soon etc). When not treated in a right fashion, this disease may lead into Post-Doctoral fellow syndrome.

Reference: 

1) Karthik.et.al. Journal of screwed-up researchers. 2011 Jun;39(2):46-51. Epub 2012 Jun 30.

2) Wang E, Li Y, Juan F, Xi F, Chu G, Gaun F et.al. Journal of crazy scientists. 2010;7(7):e41179. Epub 2010Jul 13.

Punch:

 

A person who sacrifices food, sleep, laughter, family, marriage, and all the worldly joys were called saints in ancient times. In modern times they are called PhD/Graduate students.