Read between the lines !!

I am quite sure you must have attended many conferences/talks/symposium/colloquium. As a matter of fact I too have attended some and hope to attend many more.  Folks there are many commonly used sentences in most of the seminars, which might have gone unnoticed for most of us. But I feel there is lot of enigmatic (funny) meaning behind most of those sentences. I just tried to collect and jot down here in a weird/funny way, which most of you might have thought about, but none put in following way.

1)  "Abstracts are invited but not limited to the field of 'XYZ' "

What it actually means : We presume there will not be much registration with just the topic XYZ thats the reason we are stretching the limits. You know we want HUGE crowd, to show to our department and sponsors. 

2) "I will not go through all the data, there is a long list of and you can spend unlimited time with this data"

What it actually means :  This data is a bloody ruddy hell. Errr...I do not wanna get freaking crazy by going over all of it.

3) "I thank all the sponsors for making this event successful"

What it actually means :Fellas we squeezed a lot of money out of you. Thanks for pouring the money into fancy stuffs and lot of booze!!

4) Specially thanking my supervisor, sitting in the first row here:

What it actually means : Making you a superstar !!! pardon me for some crappy mistakes done during talk.

5) " As you all know how this works"

What it actually means : Naaaah !! its boring I don't want to explain it again. Read it yourself.

6) "Thats a good question"

What it actually means : Hurray... final you have asked a question to which I know a very good answer. 

 7) "If you see this Western blot, there is a prominent band with almost no background"

What it actually means : Hey get away..Grrrr yeah there is crappy background but just ignore it.

8) "Actually we are going to publish it soon"

What it actually means : I am still struggling to make some sense out of the data, I don't know when all hell is gonna break loose.

9) " I am in first year of my PhD, these are few of the initial data"

What it actually means : Don't shoot me with tricky questions fellas. I am just chillaxing (chill+relaxing) at this stage.

10) " Thanks to the organizers for inviting me over a talk"

What it actually means : Thanks for getting a free trip to a cool place like this. This place, food and booze seems heavenly!!

11) " X group published slightly different work in the year 1995"

What it actually means : I am trying hard to make it look different to write a paper for getting a PhD..Phew...

12) " Sorry. few more slides to go"

What it actually means : Get back..do you know who I am?? I am gonna take my own sweet time and finish it when ever I want.